Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Edit Your Life: How to make sex sexy again

There is a lot that comes to mind when we thing of the word sexy. Everything from Marilyn Monroe and Josephine Baker to Kim K and Rihanna comes to mind. We think of everything from flashing a little knee to wearing a little lipstick to things to sleazy to be discussed here.

So what exactly is sexy? Sexy is defined as "expressing sexual desire."

I think our view of sex, sexuality, and the sexual act has gone through so many changes. Think about it: in our short history as a country we have swung the pendulum from complete stifled expressions of sexuality way over to where I feel we are now: completely over sexualized. This has led to what I believe are distortions of what real sexiness and sexuality is.

There is no balance, no boundaries, no inhibitions. We have no control over ourselves, and then we call it liberation when really it is a lack of self control. Think about it: if someone was running around, slapping every person they walked up to, we would call them crazy. We would say there was something wrong with them. We would steer clear of them. But we don't have this same inhibition for those who too freely give of their precious bodies.

Let me clear this up: Sex itself is not a bad thing. Hardly. It's amazing. When done right, sex is a phenomenal act that is meant to be enjoyed. Absolutely.

But sex is also powerful and should have more meaning than blowing your nose or going to the bathroom, or any other normal body function.

As with all of my stances, I view sex from a faith stance. And sexuality, even in the Bible, is a good thing. Sex is a beautiful act, so good that God placed it within the safety and context of marriage. We can see this in the Biblical story of creation: Genesis 2:24 says "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." The very next verse says (about Adam and Eve) "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." There is no shame in sex and sexuality within the safety of marriage. No one talks this way, but there is something powerful, beautiful, and yes, very sexy about exclusively exploring the beautiful world of sex with your own husband or wife. In fact, another verse that concurs this sentiment is found in Proverbs 5: 18-19 says "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love." And don't forget the Song of Solomon. Sex is great, but as with everything we enjoy, you have to use discretion. Discretion in this case is for your marital partner only.
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So, let's edit.

Sexy is objective, but its always healthy:
What is sexy for me may not be what is sexy for you. For example, I personally find a man who makes me laugh and makes me think to be very sexy. We are all drawn to different things. But there is some gross twisting to the sexual act. If you are drawn to something that is illegal, not consensual, or is violent, that is unhealthy, I encourage you to be honest and seek help for those challenges. Healthy sexuality is something to be enjoyed and embraced. It is a beautiful freedom to have. However...

Sexual liberty isn't proven by having sex:
This is an argument I keep running into: We live in a time where a woman's sexual liberty is challenged by how many men she has slept with and how much of her body can be seen and still remain legal. That is a total fallacy. Period. I don't have to prove my sexual liberty by liberally sleeping around. I am completely free to abstain. It is my choice, and that choice IS my liberty.

Being sexy doesn't have to mean raunchy:
In our over sexualized culture, where a woman's bare body is used to promote everything from lingerie (as it should) to trucks or sodas, we have lost the concept of demure and alluring. Our parents were seriously onto something when they said "leave something to the imagination." In a raunchy world of gauzy dresses that show every nook and cranny, there is something elegant, refined, and yes, even sexy about the girl who goes for modesty.

There is a balance to sexy:
There is a balance between prudish and garish. Being a prude is JUST as unhealthy as being too liberal in the sex act. We are human beings. We have to acknowledge that. It is healthy to have a sexual appetite. It is good to indulge those appetites (within the confines of marriage, of course.) Stifling it is incredibly unhealthy. So yes, have fun with sex, but just be willing to marry the person you give yourself too. Otherwise, don't sleep with them!

Finally...

There is nothing more sexy than exclusivity:
There is nothing wrong with being sexy. There is no sin in being sexual. However, I view my own sexual experience the same way I view my social security number and bank account information. It's not for everybody. It' not even for a few people. It is for my one person, a person that I have committed my life to. For me, there isn't anything more sexy than knowing that my husband is mine and only mine. That he and I are the only ones making each other feel this way and that we alone have exclusivity to each other. That is amazingly sexy.

Now that I have established all of that, there still remains that whole me figuring out how to actually embrace my own sexy. Stay tuned.

So, let's talk! What do you think about this Edit Your Life? Comment below! Lets talk