Reclaimed Life: 3 Questions That Are Helping Me Stop Emotional Spending

I have a lot of crap.

I know we have talked about this since this blog has been around, but I really do. And I have started to feel that way more and more the more whole I have been feeling.

Backstory: When I first moved into my first solo apartment, it was a difficult time. I was going through a very painful separation, I had experienced a miscarriage, my younger sister and I were going through a pretty rough period I had experienced loss, life was hitting hard and it was the loneliest time of my life. Because I was lonely, I quickly filled the approximately 850 square feet of my 3rd story walk up with anything and everything I could. Books and clothes and art and candles and objects that filled up the physical spaces in my home but did nothing for my heart.

I then began to pay more attention to what was going on in my heart. I turned towards the unaddressed things I was feeling. I looked at how my life was shaping, a cycle of feeling bad, sad, glad, or mad and going shopping to deal with it all. And there was so much crap, emotionally and spiritually that I now had to deal with.

And finally, I got sick of the crap.

I got serious about crap removal. I started selling most of it on ebay and Poshmark. I gave things away to siblings and friends. I donated back to the very thrift stores where I had purchased it for penny's in the first place.

This year, I have taken some pretty major steps not to simply reduce the amount of things, but to also re-craft my spaces, and self, into a more accurate version of where I now see myself. I am whole and healed. And now, instead of things, I crave space. I crave room to grow. I desire emptiness, the thing that used to scare me the most, now is something that I long for and love.

Last year, I really looked at the way I was spending my money and what I was spending on, what I was filling my home with, and how I want to live. I learned some pretty rough things about myself, but I am learning nonetheless, and that will always be a good thing.

This year, I have been taking pretty extreme measures that I have been documenting on Instagram. And I have been feeling so good about releasing these things and the opening space that has come as a result with no desire to fill these spaces.

I now ask my self these three pretty simple but very introspective questions before purchasing or accepting anything into my home or closet. These have really helped me, I hope they can help you as well:

Ask yourself what you really want.
We ask ourselves what we want, but in a very surface way. When analyzing our wants, we typically hang out in our most immediate, mindless wants instead of digging deeper.

For example, you spot a beautiful dress on the rack of some store. Forgetting price for a moment, you are drawn to this dress and want to buy it. But, instead of buying it, ask yourself this: Do you want the beautiful dress or do you want to feel beautiful in your body, in your presence, in yourself? The two are very different desires. What is the deeper desire behind this purchase?

Ask yourself what you need.
We don't usually ask this question, but it's a good and very intimate and transparent, and quite a tender question, and we in our society don't really do those feelings very well. But we need that introspection. Think carefully about what you need. What is missing? What is absent that you really need? Do you really need another pair of boots or do you need to take that money and put it towards a vacation or paying down debt or saving it for a rainy day?

Ask yourself what you deserve.
I used to pride myself on not spending more than a certain amount on my clothes. But, often, the things I was finding, while beautiful, did not fit me. I am not talking about size or shape, I am talking about my own aesthetics.

What ended up happening is that I had created a beautiful closet of high end labels found for cheap, but that I was not present in at all. I could not find me anywhere. My closet was full of all of the women I wanted to be over the years.

And I deserve better. I deserve to have clothes that are not only great quality, but that honor my body, the body that I have now. I deserve a wardrobe that is reflective of me, my style, my mood, myself. I deserve a home that is comfortable and peaceful and clean and clear. And I deserve a live that is free from clutter and open for this next chapter.

These are ways I am moving towards liberated living.

How are you clearing your space and your mind? I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment below!