Here’s to the REAL WOMEN..

I have been thinking about this quote a lot: “Here’s to Strong Women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” 

It’s been one of my favorites. I’ve always liked it. 

That is until this year, when Emmie was born. Having a daughter really changed my perspective. Especially having a Black daughter. Now someone will say “How does race even play into this beautiful quote?” Here’s how:

There is this pervasive belief in our society of the “strong Black Woman”. 

Given all that we, Black Women, have endured and how we still thrive, I would indeed contend to that strength. 

But that stereotype also inhibits us from bigger things: that is being REAL. Real women are more than just strong. We are REAL about how we feel, real about how we live, real about how we love. 

The belief that Black Women are somehow always strong can be as harmful as it is empowering. 

It plays into how we are seen in society as aggressors, how we are seen in medicine as doctors not believing us about our pain, even how we are seen by Black men as too independent, too ambitious, too educated, too outspoken (all qualities that would otherwise be seen as positive in other bodies).

It gives no room, no leeway, no space for any other emotion or feeling or moment that isn’t deemed strong. And that is not ok.

No, I am not strong everyday. And that’s ok. Some days, I’m vulnerable. Some days, I’m tired. Some days, I’m scared. And all of that is ok, because it’s all real. 

I want my daughter to know that she can feel the full gambit of human emotion and not doubt her strength. I want her to know that she can authentic with her feelings and it not effecting her strength. I want her to live as her truest self, not as a stereotype, and let that only show her strength. 

I still love this quote, but I’m considering this edit: “Here’s to REAL Women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.”