And last night I hit the wall.
Yes, super positive, God loving, people loving, self loving, world loving me hit the wall so hard last night that I couldn't even react as myself. Normal me, when faced with a great frustration, would vent, maybe cry, and then get my head back in the game. But no. Not last night. Last night I would have just boil my blood until I evaporated into vapor, that's how mad I was. And I don't get mad first. I usually get sad way before I get angry. But I became very angry, and upset.
Hopeless is not a good place to be. I've only ever been there maybe twice before. But last night it all hit me and I just walked into that wide open dark space of hopelessness.
I would like to tell you that I came back, that I talked myself off of the ledge and am back to my fluffy marshmallow of a self.
But I didn't. In fact I would not be even close to coming down off the wall if it weren't for the combined efforts help of my mama, my guy, a super supportive community of family and friends, and of course a healthy dose of Jesus saturating it all.
None of these entities told me anything new. They didnt complement me, or distract me. They didn't even allow me to stay in my pity party. They called me out on my lack of faith, on my anger, on my wrong thinking.
But what they also did do was remind me. Remind me of who I am. Remind me of who I was always meant to become. Remind me to NEVER EVER lose faith. Remind me of Whose I am and His great plan and how I have the opportunity to fit in it.
And I guess that's what I want to do with you. Some of you may be going through a rough time. Some of you may feel less than what you want to, or not appreciated, or forgotten, or cast aside, or just all around bad. I want to remind each of you that you are not a mistake, that your Creator handcrafted you special and unique, for a meaningful life and a fulfilling purpose should you choose to take it. I was to remind you that you are called to do great things, whether those great things are to be a CEO, Olympic Athelite, or the best stay at home parent and the best life partner you can.
The goal is and always will be to be the best you that you have ever been, to shine through the darkness that attempts to engulf you, to let all of your facets dazzle in the Light of God, shimmer like of His many stars in the sky.
And baby, don't ever let anyone dull your sparkle.