Tuesday, July 8, 2014

What National No Bra Day means to those of us with...Big Boobs?

I'm always down to celebrate the lesser known and somewhat obscure holidays. 

National chocolate day was yesterday, shout out to my favorite yummy edible that I really do think I can put on anything. 

National Left handlers day, I'm waiting for you on baited breath.

But today celebrates neither of those days. Today is National No Bra Day, a day where women willingly throw off their restraints and the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder that usually confines us. This day is a chance for us ladies to celebrate our chest, regardless of size and free of judgment.

Honesty moment: Hi, I'm Whitney and I used to HATE my boobs. No, not hate. Loathe. 

Why? Why would I despise something so many women wish they had, pay thousands of dollars to own, and so many men love? 

For a lot of reasons:

A) The ending of my childhood. 
(It's not my fault that I woke up one morning witha full B cup and I was only 11 years old. No more bubbles, baby dolls, or Barbies because I now look weird playing with dolls while having the average breast size of a grown woman. Ugh)

B) Never being able to find a well fitting button up 
(either it's too loose in the middle but covers the knockers, or it fits in the middle and has no hope of buttoning around the knockers.)

C) Never being able to tummy sleep
You should be able to figure this one out

D) Seatbelts
And this one

E) Crossbodies
This one too

F) Turbulance on a plane or bumpy conditions on a road
C'mon, this one really needs no explanation

G) Lack of eye contact
This is a double whammy because I'm very tall and my boobs come to eye level, especially should I decide to wear heels.

See? Big boobs aren't all they are cracked up to be. 
After years of rising cup sizes and consequently being confined to the color choices of black, brown, or some form of beige (don't even dream of finding a pattern for your size), spillage, the dreaded quatro-boob, catching food, the occasional bug getting trapped, and worst of all, BOOB SWEAT (eww) I have finally arrived to a place of peace with my boobies. They are there for reasons, either post matrimonial or maternal, and to be honest, they give me a nice shape. They aren't going anywhere, so I learned how to dress them without looking too matronly or to showy. In liking my breasts, I grew to like me. 

That all being said, here are some things you should not do on National No Bra Day:

1) Run a marathon
Not only is it too hot for that anyway, but your boobies may fall off your chest afterwards

2) Jump rope contest/ Trampoline contest
Same reasons as above

3) To babysit or nanny
Hence one of the reasons I won't be participating in the "no bra" part until I get home. No child that is not your own should be subjected to your non-constrained, t shirt only, chesticles

4) Inverted Yoga or any other upside down activities
Unless you want to be strangled

5) Frying anything
Extra protection 

6) Being in a hurry
Unless you want to cup and run, rock the bra

7) Working anywhere cold
Unless you want to have 2 sets of eyes (and the second "set" is usually cock-eyed)

Other than that, enjoy today. Find time to enjoy bosom freedom today, or show your support of breasts (both girls and guys can do this) by wearing something purple.