Friday, October 31, 2014

Blackface is ALWAYS a good idea...

Despite all the hub-bub and chatter throughout the last 15 years, every single Halloween, it happens. Some white person is going to paint their face brown or black for their own amusement in an effort to "complete the look" of their Halloween costume. And despite all the people who point to our president and say otherwise, the aforementioned is proof that we still live in a very "ethnically challenged" society. 

With all that being said, I say to all of my Caucasian pals who want to paint their faces brown a resounding "Go for it." Why not? 

I mean, cmon, deep down inside, you actually think it's funny. I mean, look here are 2 celebrities from just last year who thought that this was just completely acceptable:
The one in the "crazy eyes" costume is Julianne Hough and the one looking like a modern day minstrel is Allesandro Dell'Acqua. And don't they just look amazing. If famous people, with all their assistants and people working for them can do blackface without anyone saying anything to them about this being wrong, then yeah it must be funny.  

Here's another snap from the Utah Jazz's Twitter from last year:
Oh yeah, their publicity team was spot on for this one. Once again, hilarious. 

Be honest! You know you think it's hilarious. You probably also think it's hilarious to paint your face dark to pretend to be a "character", like last years super popular Trayvon Martin or this year's big hit (no pun intended) Ray Rice. 
So funny right?!?

Just a side note: it's actually not funny. Nobody is really laughing with you (except maybe people who are just as mentally and socially inept [by the way, you most likely don't know what that means. Email me and I will explain]) 

However there will be a few people laughing at you: that blogger (hi!) that happens to get her hands on your photo for, say, a post like this, exposing you to be a major idiot; the people who read and share said post; the people who stumble upon your Halloween pics on Twitter or Instagram or FaceBook (because we all know that if you're smart enough to still think black face is okay, you're going to also be smart enough to post it. Hey, a costume this "funny" deserves to be left in the Internet for longer than you will be alive, right?) I wonder who else could potentially see or find out about this shining moment in your life; any future person that may Google you, say a future first date or potential employer? So smile really big for the selfie or cellphone snap. This will be one to remember?

Wait? What do you mean it's not sounding like a good idea any more? Of course it's a great idea to do a black face costume, here's why: 

Reason #1: 
It shows is that you, at the very least, are completely devoid of any legitimate creativity. Think about it: there are literally HUNDREDS. OF. THOUSANDS of ideas for Halloween costumes, if not more. There are mature movie characters, celebrities, historical figures, cartoon characters, food, vehicles, home appliances, mythological creatures and every sexy version of an animal under the sun; and yet you choose this? 

Nice "Kim and Kanye"...because you can't be The West's without blackface, right?

Thanks, your lack of creativity makes me feel freakin brilliant about my own actual creativity (and intelligence for that matter), and all I did was put on some cat ears and a tail. 

Reason #2:
At the most, your Halloween costume selection just shows what you really are; a bigoted, ignorant, and dare I say, RACIST individual. Thanks for that too. Need to know where you secret members of the "Hate Everybody" club are and there is no better way than blackface. 

Oh what's that? You're offended? Your feelings being hurt by the girl calling you at best stupid and at worst a secret member of the KKK?

GOOD. 

Anyone who thinks that the public murder of an innocent teenage boy, or domestic abuse, or slavery, or just an entire culture of people in general is something funny to be mocked and made fun of deserves to be offended. 

Maybe you should be offended enough to have some sense this year and be something a little less racially deprivation (again if you need an explanation, email me.). 

Might I suggest a jack-o-lantern?