A Gentlemanly Discussion on Modern Chivalry

We hear it all the time. "Chivalry is dead" usually heard from a person (most times a woman) when (s)he is complaining about a man who is poorly behaved.

But today, I want to challenge that notion. Is chivalry, in fact, dead? Or has it, like lady likeness, been modified or modernized to suit contemporary lifestyle.

Chivalry is actually defined as "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." Overall, we think of chivalry as courteous behavior, especially towards women.

So I spoke to the most gentlemanly gentleman I have immediate access to, who happens to be MY gentleman, Earl, about what he thinks about chivalry:

So, babe, er, Earl, is chivalry dead?
"What some consider as "chivalrous activity" may be in low supply these days, but is it completely dead? No, I don't think so."

"The environment around how chivalry is both given and received is different though." Earl explains. "The response to what could be a chivalrous response (from a man's perspective) has not always been responded to as positive. What has been the traditional connotation of 'chivalry' has declined."

Interesting. Why do you think that is, Earl?

"It's not a one way situation. With chivalry, these acts come with both levels of respect AND levels of intention to it. And there is also a level of response. If a man keeps having a negative response to the acts that he deems as polite, but she is taking some other way, he 's going to reduce the level expressed due to his thinking the acts are un-welcomed or unwanted."

Any advice for guys?

"If there is a particular way in which you have chosen to interact with a woman, and if that tends to exhibit characteristics of the classic notion of being chivalrous, don't be discouraged by the times it is not received well. It either tells you one of two things:
1) She's not worth the time so keep it moving
2) You're going to have to come with more than your basic level.
"Her response will dictate which one of the two it is. In every case, you keep doing you."

When asked his thoughts on modern chivalry, "It depends on the level of interaction. There is the basic level of actions like giving your seat, opening the door, pulling the chair out for her to sit; things like that."

"For it to really mean something, the action going to have to be something specific to those two individuals. For example, if I am in the city late, and you (meaning me) are in the city working late, I will wait for you (me again) to finish and then pick you up and bring you home."

I asked people's opinions on Facebook, and here are some of the responses:




So maybe chivalry has not died.

Maybe it's just different now.

Maybe instead of opening the carriage door for your lady or taking tea on the sun porch, you send her texts when you're away to make sure she makes it home safe, you call when what you say you will, things like that.
It's chivalry You still walk closest to the road, hold doors, let her order first, and pull out chairs for her, not because she cannot, but to show respect for her as a small way to honor her place in your life.