Thursday, August 3, 2017

Edit Your Life: She's Not Ahead of You

This one is a pure rant, so I apologize if this comes off as a little aggressive, but hear me out...

As I was preparing for one of the Readables last week, a blog post came across my feed that gave me serious pause. The title of this piece was “How to not be jealous of your friend that’s ahead of you in life”. The title was beneath a picture of two young, long haired smiling white women, one of whom wore a wedding right and was hold a small baby.

First of all, whaaaaaaa?!


Like is this a thing? Like is this a real, for real idea?

There is just so much here, I almost don't know where to begin.

Let’s start by breaking down this title: 
How to not be jealous (implying that you are or could be) of your friend (a person of whom you should NEVER be jealous of) that is ahead of you in life (this is impossible and I will explain later on).

Let's work backwards on this bit of cultural buffoonery here.

First, no one is “ahead” of you.

I know you're thinking. You just thought of 2 or 3 women you know who look like they are living your dream life: they have their proverbial "shit together", they have the house, the career, the education, the man, the kids, the promotion, blah, blah, blah...

But just because someone may have these elements in their lives does not mean that they are ahead of you. They aren't. They simply possess the things that you are also trying to possess. Period.

To say someone is “ahead of you” in life implies that there is only one path in life and only one direction on that path.

I am going to come out and say it: this is a stupid thing to believe. This mindset instantly puts us all in competition with each other, as if, as women we are supposed to be in constant competition. As if being a wife or a mother or a CEO or owning house makes you somehow better at being a human that someone else.

Nothing wrong with any of that if that is your life path.

But what if it’s not?

What if you choose to never have children?
What if you don’t want to get married?
What if you don’t ever want to work for anyone else for the rest of your life?
Should you then be scorned? Labeled a loser and instantly taken less seriously?

No! Of course not. Fact is that our lives are exactly that: OURS. We choose how we want to live them. We decide the trajectory of our own lives.

Which brings me to my final point, you should not be jealous. Like ever.

Jealousy is defined as being "hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage". Not something any woman in her right mind would naturally want.

You especially cannot be jealous of you friend and still be her friend. Period. How can you be "hostile toward a rival" and dare shape your mouth or your mind into thinking that that person is your friend? You can't. You simply cannot be someone's friend and be hostile in any manner towards them. It makes no sense.

You do not have to accept jealousy. The same way you would not accept someone handing you a bag of dog poop (sorry to get graphic), or a snake or poison, is the same way you should not accept jealousy. Jealousy, along with its more dangerous cousin, Envy, are indeed poisons, they are both toxic: to your well being, your gratitude, your own accomplishments, and your own value as a person.

Here is my point: Nobody is living your life. Period. Think about that for a second... Nobody is living your life. No one is having your children. No one is buying your house. No one is getting your promotion. Get what I am saying? No one is living the life that was meant for you. If the thing is meant for you, you will have it. Simple as that.

These mere days we have make up the totality offer lives. It’s all we get. What we do with them is what counts. And what I don't ever want to count are more days I was jealous than the days I was grateful, or that I hustled, or that I watched myself making my dreams come true.

Ok, I am done, What are your thoughts? Drop a comment and let's talk.