Me Too: How Guys Can Help in the Fight Against Sexual Harassment and Violence

I was 11 years old when a man, clearly double my age or more, sexually harassed me a block from my elementary school. Eleven. I was a kid, a literal child, whose womanly form had only just begun to sprout beneath my t-shirt and shorts, but it was enough to garner the attention of this "man".

I don't remember what he said to me as I walked home from school with my younger sister, but I do remember, with tears in my eyes even now as type this, exactly how it made me felt. I didn't feel ashamed of myself or dirty. I got angry. Really angry. I was angry of how he could do it; shout things at an obviously young girl just walking home from school. Angry, because of how embarrassingly loud and obnoxious it was, drawing attention to just the hint of a womanly figure that was coming in. Angry that he felt so entitled to do so.

Compound now the pain added to YEARS, decades now, of this type of daily treatment and the anger gets expounded. I used to walk, head down, headphones in, volume up, to avoid it. But now, I don't avoid it. I call it out. Here and on social. And to the assailants.

Street harassment is real: it's not a compliment, it's not funny, it's not empowering. It just shows that the person guilty of it is actually an infantilized male, no more worthy to be called a man than those boys who assaulted me twenty years ago.

In light of the Harvey Weinstein article and flood of sexual harassment and assault allegations, women are sharing their stories. The sad part is that there are so many stories; stories of the mental and emotional harm of harassment, the threats of rape, the scars of sexual assault. The good part is that women are not taking this shit anymore. They are speaking these secrets and, when they can, are  naming their assailants.

But what are these stories met with? Not understanding and compassion but victim blaming, shame, accusations of lying, declarations of all of this becoming one large witch hunt.

Cue eye roll.

Instead of being the above guy, here's how you, as a man, can help this dialogue and ultimately end sexual harassment and assault:

First: Don't be like these guys. Don't be the guy who verbally assaults women. Don't be the guy who attacks them. Just don't.

Second: If you see it happening, say something. Your silence or casual dismissal are actually your approval. Saying "boys will be boys" is bullshit. It is in essence, calling men animals who are completely out of control of their own impulses. It is an insult, not an excuse. Stand up when you see this happening. Let your friends know that this is not ok. Let your brothers know that this is not cool. Tell your dad times have changed.

And not just because you have a mom, a sister, a wife, a daughter. Do it because it is the right thing to do.

Third: LISTEN. Just listen to the stories. Listen to her pain. Listen to her struggle. Listen. Open yourself up to hear her experiences. Stop being triggered to defend yourself when a woman shares her experiences. This moment right now is not about you. It's about her. Period.

Forth: Do not be dismissive of these stories. No matter how "small" you deem these incidents, to her, they are big enough to talk about. They aren't small to her. They inform how she deals with the male gender. They are worthy of you hearing.

Fifth: Stop seeing this as one big man bash. It's not. It's not all about you. In fact, if you have been doing right, you shouldn't even be brought up in the conversation. As I said before, stop getting triggered to defend yourself. It's not about you.

I hope this helps. What are your thoughts? Drop a comment below. Let's talk!