7 ways to not suck in a relationship

I am going to shoot straight with you dudes.

After listening to my friends, sisters, and other close women complain, cry, and converse about yall, it seems that it is time for a basic heart to heart about how you engage in relationships.

I myself have been in plenty of disappointing, disillusioning, disrespectful relationships. More than I currently care to admit to. They suck. Literally. They drain you of your energy. They can drain your life, if you let them.

But what happens if you are the one that is the drain in the relationship? What happens if you are in fact the problem? I am not accusing men on being the problem, I have had some of the sweetest relationships where the timing was just all wrong.

But if it is a perpetual thing, well, all your girlfriends cannot be crazy, and if the common denominator is you, than its pretty clear you might need a reboot, bruh.

I know, you didn't come here for this. You came here for the latest menswear trends, blah, blah blah. And for most of you, you may not need this advice. You are probably the nicest guy, or so you think. But I pretty much guarantee, as sweet and wonderful as you think you are, you need the following steps.

Before you go and inflict yourself on some poor sane soul, here are something's to consider:

Don't waste her damn time
I cannot stand wasting time. Pretty much on anything, more so now than before. A few years ago, I was listening to a teaching that changed my thinking about time that said our time is our life. Our life, yall. It is the only resource we cannot get back. You can make more money, you can buy more things, but time is irreplaceable.

Therefore, do not approach a relationship without some sort of plan. This relationship isn't just about you. It's about what you two could become together. Therefore, if you have no real plan for anything other than Netflix and screw up her time, please do not even approach her. Her life was going great before you dragged your draining ass into it. Keep it that way, you selfish turd.

That brings me to this next point....

Talk about your expectations
I am going to ask you a question: What are your intentions with this woman? Seriously, bruh. What is your purpose for getting involved with her? And I need you to use the brain in you head and not the one between your legs, k.

A lot of yall walk into these relationships to see what you can get out of them. Here's is what you could get out of them: everything. You can literally get everything out of us. We happen to be a loyal, faithful bunch who will watch sports with you, engage in intelligent dialogue, cook your favorite meal, pray for you, meet your mama, make dip for the Super Bowl party, and genuinely keep you laughing, thinking, and growing for the rest of your life. But that is only if you do right, which, quite frankly, most of yall don't.

Oh, you talk a good game, but in essence, you just want a cuddle buddy for cuffing season rather than a queen who will not complete (you should be complete in and of yourself) but complement, (as in come along side and where you are weak, she is strong and vice versa) your life. And that is fine, as long as you make that clear.

If you aren't going into this relationship with the same expectations or trajectory of a future together, please stay out. Unless this woman has explicitly said that she's just here for the fun, then do not engage. Like I said, her life was probably awesome before your sludgy self came into the picture.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Yall are the WORST at this. Seriously. Most women will tell you our plans (whether you want to know them or not). But you dudes? Nope. How difficult is it to text (not even call, but text, damnit!) "Hey, I'm going out with x, y, z tonight."?

Listen to her, damnit
Nine times out of ten, your woman has told you something that she likes. Whether she has hinted at it, "Oh, did you hear X sent his lady flowers to her work for her birthday?", to flat out telling you "I would love it if you sent me flowers to my work for my birthday." She is telling you how she wants to be loved. She is giving you the keys to how to win the game.

And you, with the two ears God gave you, refuse, for whatever reason to just listen. Face-Flippin'-Palm.

Know her "love language"
This one is only for the serious. Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book on the 5 Love Languages. This isn't an ad for it, but you should check it out. A love languages is a way to communicate that someone cared deeply for you. Basically, Chapman says there are 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

By knowing your own love language and hers, you can more effectively communicate that you care for her. For example, if she's a quality time girl, doing acts of service for her is nice, but it won't mean as much to her as sitting down to watch her favorite movie with her. See where I am getting at? I myself am a hybrid of words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch and quality time. (And people are STILL failing at communicating their feelings, but thats another post for another day,)

Make her feel like a priority
I am not saying that you have to devote your every waking hour to her. Seriously, don't do that. But please, for the love of God, be balanced! Every time you say yes to something, whether it is you hanging out with your friends all weekend for the 4th time in a row to your volunteer work at the church, if you haven't spent any time with her, how does that make her feel important?

I'll wait...

Let me help you. It doesn't. In fact, it does the opposite. It makes her feel like less of a priority. Which makes her want to invest less in the relationship with you. If that is your goal, then making her less of a priority is the fast track to doing it. But if you actually do care about this woman, then maybe you should do things that show her that she is priority in your life.

Be a man of your word
If you say you are going to do something, just do it. Simple as that. The quickest way to ruin trust with her is to do the opposite. Words have power. They create atmospheres and expectations. You can build or destroy with them. Want credibility? It's earned, not given. Want her to trust you? Prove yourself to be trustworthy. Therefore, don't say you can do something if you're unsure if you can.

That is all I have for you dudes. This is not a cure all post. There are probably a billion different variations. But these are the top reasons I see relationships ending (outside of infidelity and money disagreements) and these can be so easily remedied by just taking this simple advice.

Hope this helps. Stop breaking each other's hearts out there, yall.