Maybe it is time for Black Men to Believe Black Women

Last week, I shared a post about what happened to me while waiting for a bus in Center City Philadelphia. I have had some time to process all of the emotions this moment conjured up.

My circle of Facebook acquaintances really rallied behind me. I felt love and support, particularly from the men who avidly said that what happened to me was unacceptable, and for that I am grateful.

Here is the original post from Facebook:

However, a dear childhood friend shared my Facebook post (without disclosing my identity), as a warning to other women. The responses were very different. I thought about just taking direct quotes from the comments on the post, but I am a believer in receipts, and so here are the screenshots.

At this point, I had to step in and say something:

The conversation continued until the guy who continued to debate me made some ridiculous statement in which I pulled the Viola Davis purse grab and exited the conversation.

via GIPHY

First and foremost, I never equated what I went through as a sexual assault. I clearly know and understand the difference between someone grabbing by hand and someone groping me. Quality reading of my original post would show the only thing sexual about the encounter were the crass comments following it. So it was foolish and quite ignorant of the facts stated for the guys to joke around with #MeToo and my situation.

Reading is fundamental.

Next, I am infuriated at the responses of these guys: first discounting the experience, then saying it was satire, then belittling me for even sharing the experience, and then accusing me of wanting to do harm to "the brothers" for daring to speak out against their actions. Normalizing it doesn't make it normal. Belittling it doesn't make it a joke. Debating it doesn't make it ok.

Read a little deeper into the conversation and you will easily see that these men were more concerned about protecting men who overstep their boundaries rather than protecting the women who are victims of it.

And that is utter bullshit.

Assault is assault. No man is entitled to touch a woman, period. Definitely not with some oil or solution or anything that she could have been allergic to or could have done her harm. Trying to piece and parse what assault is when the definition about is very clear, just so I can protect males who will likely try this crap again is not whats going to happen.

11th Principle

The thing that enrages me about the situation is that this is the same rhetoric that informs rape culture.  Here is a diagram of what Rape Culture really entails.

There is an entitlement where men, unfortunately in my experience mostly Black Men, feel entitled to say whatever and do whatever they choose.

I have had my arm gripped up in a party because some guy wanted to talk to me. Daily, I deal with creeps who say wild crap from cars and on the street and even when I was nannying children, just because they think they can. I have been followed for blocks. And I have dealt with it since I was 10. YEARS. OLD.

Enough is enough. Brothas in particular, so many of us Black Women are tired of your bullshit. And we aren't going to protect you or stay silent anymore. Get right and do right or it won't be alright.

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